 | A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation. |
| According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist. |
| A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. |
| A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken. |
| Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. |
| Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows! |
| All computers wait at the same speed. |
| All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken! |
| All you need to know is the user interface. |
| Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used. |
| Any program that runs right is obsolete. |
| A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom. |
| A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. |
| A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from? |
| A program is never finished until the programmer dies. |
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| ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! |
| As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. |
| A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user. |
| A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice. |
| Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic |
| Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]? |
| Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. |
| Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression |
| Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." |
| Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature. |
| Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. |
| Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster. |
| Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version. |
| COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key. |
| Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source. |
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| Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want." |
| Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying. |
| Computer programmers do it byte by byte. |
| Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit. |
| Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them. |
| Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows. |
| Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. |
| Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. |
| Computers can never replace human stupidity. |
| Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow. |
| Computers follow your orders, not your intentions. |
| Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. |
| Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly. |
| Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean? |
| Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors. |
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| Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. |
| Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own. |
| Don't document the program; program the document. |
| Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts. |
| Don't let the computer bugs bite! |
| DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something! |
| DOS Tip: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS |
| Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. |
| Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... |
| Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. |
| Error: Problem exists between keyboard and chair. |
| Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) |
| Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... |
| Every bug you find is the last one. |
| Every time I type 'win', I loose ... |
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| Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. |
| Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software. |
| .....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) |
| For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem. |
| Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. |
| Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me! |
| Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95.... |
| Hit any user to continue. |
| Home is where the computer is plugged in. |
| How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file... |
| I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator. |
| If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0. |
| If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station? |
| I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast. |
| If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. |
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| If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? |
| If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button. |
| I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free. |
| I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere. |
| I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! |
| I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. |
| In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it. |
| Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking. |
| It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one. |
| It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit. |
| It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature. |
| It works! Now if only I could remember what I did... |
| I wish life has a scroll back buffer. |
| Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer. |
| Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue. |
| |
| MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs. |
| Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... |
| Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] |
| Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]? |
| MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers. |
| Mommy! The cursor's winking at me! |
| My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. |
| Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!" |
| No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier. |
| Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine? |
| One person's error is another person's data. |
| One picture is worth 128K words. |
| Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am. |
| Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered! |
| Oxymoron: Microsoft Works. |
| |
| Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! |
| Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... |
| Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue.... |
| Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. |
| Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time. |
| RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure. |
| Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg. |
| Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it. |
| Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! |
| Shutting down networkservers reguarly during worktime prevents RSI and develops social contacts at work. |
| Speed Kills! Use Windows. |
| System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing. |
| The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux. |
| The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. |
| The name is Baud......, James Baud. |
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| The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong. |
| The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. |
| The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. |
| There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday. |
| There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't." |
| There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. |
| There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program. |
| There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple. |
| These settings will have no effect until you restart the system. Reset Universe (Y/N) ? |
| Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK! |
| To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. |
| To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. |
| User error: replace user and press any key to continue. |
| Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue. |
| What boots up must come down. |
| |
| Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk? |
| Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" |
| Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right? |
| Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users? |
| Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? |
| Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance? |
| Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something. |
| WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System. |
| Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology. |
| You are making progress if each mistake is a new one. |
| You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer. |
| You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version. |
| You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it! |
| You never finish a program, you just stop working on it. |
